I want to make sure I start this post with a disclaimer... or three.
First, what worked for our family, likely wouldn't work for everyone. Second, a lot of these tips/tricks are not my own. They are ones from family and friends as well as some online (cough*Google*cough) research. Third, I am no expert and would never claim to be.
I wanted to write up a post that detailed a few tips and tricks for a couple of reasons. First off, one day I will have to do this all again. With a boy. =( I have heard time and time again that boys are harder. Not looking forward to that. So, in a couple of years when I am sitting on the bathroom floor wondering what on earth I got myself into and how I am ever going to get through this, I wanted to be able to look back and remind myself that I can get through it and give myself a refresher course on what worked with Kenzie (though that doesn't mean it would work with Will) just to have an idea of where to go. Second, I have a lot of friends that have children around Kenzie's age or even younger that will be starting potty training soon. I had a few people ask me some questions about how we are working through the process. Everyone out there deals with this when they have kids but I have decided to be pretty open about it and document our progress along the way. This blog (rather, it's predecessor that is no longer in existence) has morphed over the years from being all about the two of us (Steven and myself) into family life, mommyhood, parenthood, and what it is like raising kids. So, when we hit such a big milestone as potty training, I figured it was logical to document our progress.
So, without further ado... here are some of the things we have learned:
1. Do NOT use pull ups. Use cheap underwear instead.
When we first considered starting the potty training process, we bought a small package of pull ups. I did this knowing that this was not the final answer. We mainly used them as a way to easily get a "diaper" type thing on an off of her at times when she showed some interest in the potty. What we learned (and what I had been told by my own mom) is that pull ups work very much like diapers. They pull all the moisture away from the child. So, the child doesn't feel wet. What incentive do you have to use a potty if you are constantly dry? Instead of pull ups, we went with the cheap underwear route. Kenzie went with me to the store and picked out a package she liked to get her excited. Now, if she absolutely ruins a pair, I don't feel back about tossing it. The other plus... she immediately feels wet and HATES it. This makes her want to use the potty.
2. Buy a potty or potty seat that fits for your family to use at home AND a cheap, one piece potty for travel.
We chose to go with a single potty that sits on the floor rather than one that attaches to the big toilet. We did this for a couple of reasons. First, we want to make it as easy for her to get on and off right now as possible. Second, we didn't want her to associate a potty seat attached to a toilet with all big toilets so that she wouldn't have as many issues if we were in a strange place and had no option but to use a big toilet. There are apparently travel potty seat attachments out there that fold up and can be carried in a bag so you always have one... but again... I didn't want a 5 year old that was afraid of using a toilet without the attachment. I'm sure not all children have this issue but I could foresee it being a problem for Kenzie. To go out, we bought a potty for $5 at Ikea based on a recommendation. It is perfect to cart around with us. Any time we go out, she tries to use the potty just before we go into a place and just after we come out. She doesn't always go, but at least she has that security right now. The plus too is that I have an SUV so she can sit in the back and use her potty. It could be done on the ground with a car too though. The other plus is that if we are outside playing, the potty is right there. Right now she doesn't really know long beforehand when she is going to need to go so having the option to immediately be next to an on a potty is a plus for us.
3. Decide if you want to move the potty around your house or leave it in one spot.
Some people choose to move the potty around the house to fit the needs of their families. For instance, put it in the living room if you spend the majority of your time there. That would make it much more accessible. We chose to go a different route though and keep it in Kenzie's bathroom. We did this because she is a kid that likes routine and leaving it in one spot makes it easier for her. Plus, once you change her routine, she likes to try to get you to do it again. I didn't want to deal with having to move the potty back to the bathroom one day and the possible backlash of that. Especially if she associated her potty with being near the tv or something like that. That is mainly just because that is Kenzie's personality. Other methods may be better with other kids.
4. Never EVER punish an accident.
We refer to them as accidents for a reason. I liken it to the exact opposite of what you might do when housebreaking a dog. When you housebreak a dog, you may choose to put their nose in their mess or use a firm voice when telling them what they did was "bad" or "wrong". Never do this with a child. They are learning and can't help themselves. When Kenzie has an accident we act quickly to try to get her to the potty just in case there is any more that she can do. She typically will try to hold her pee in once she starts going and realizes that she isn't on her potty so we take her in to the bathroom, have her sit on her potty for a while, and just wait to see if she will go more. If she does, we praise that. If she doesn't, we clean her up and move on. No harsh words or telling her she did anything wrong. We choose to remind her that when she needs to potty she needs to tell us and go to her potty. That is all. I could see how punishing an accident would cause an adverse effect and make her afraid of using her potty or (worse?) make her think she has to hold it all the time.
5. Decide whether you are of the "time it out" or "wait them out" school of thought and never assume that "No" is actually what your child means.
I was given two recommendations for how to potty train based on what friends and family members had work for them in the past. The first is to "time it out". Put your child on the potty every 15-20 minutes regardless of if they have to go. The second is to "wait them out" and let them have some accidents, get used to the negative sensation of being wet and let them start telling you they need to use the potty. The first day we timed Kenzie. After her first few accidents though she quickly realized that she could tell us when she had to go potty. She wasn't always on time but she had the idea. So, day 2 we changed a bit. I let her guide it more than my timer. If I found that she hadn't asked (or had an accident) in about 30 minutes, I would encourage her to go to the potty. We then ended up changing that method again after a day or so. She stopped telling us as often and so we had to move back to more timing. Now, at just over a week in we are back to her telling us about 90% of the time. Sometimes she is too late so if we notice that she hasn't gone in a while we will encourage her to try. I've learned that this needs to be an especially fluid process. What works one day, may not work the next. I find myself constantly asking Kenzie, "Do you need to potty?" Bad idea when you have a toddler. No is a universal answer for everything. Most of the time, she says no. Truth is though, sometimes it is a yes. While I still ask, even if she says no there are times that I tell her we are going to try anyway if it has been a while. I continue to ask her to get her used to the question. If she tells me no and I think she might need to try anyway, I explain that it has been a while and she should try, then I take her to her potty and we wait.
6. LISTEN!
I made this mistake on day 1. If you child even mentions the word "potty" or whatever other wording you use to talk about needing to go... listen and react. Don't assume they are just discussing how cool it is using the potty. They likely aren't. They may just not have enough words yet to explain clearly that they need to go.
7. Have a routine.
When we sit on the potty and she actually goes we always do the same thing afterwards. Wipe, pull up her underwear (or put on because she tends to remove them entirely), high tens (she loves those), wash hands (both of us because I gave her high tens), get reward (if asked for... more about that in #9).
8. Try to limit the amount of time you make your child sit on the potty without going.
We found that asking Kenzie (who is an extremely active child) to sit for longer than 5 or so minutes was asking too much. Sitting for any longer makes her hate sitting on the potty and we don't want that.
9. Decide on your reward system (if you want to use one).
Kenzie is too young to really understand sticker charts but if she were older, we likely would have started here. Instead we use a treat that she never (or very very rarely) gets. We use bite size oreo cookies. Maybe not my best mommy move, but it works. Every time she goes potty, she gets one. IF she asks. Sometimes she forgets and I let her move on. We have started weaning her off of them now. Usually, if you give her a preferred activity right after washing her hands, she will forget and we don't have to worry about it as much. We initially planned to offer a slightly larger reward any time she pooped in the potty for the first week or so. I nixed that after the first reward. The issues was that because she pooped right before nap, she wanted to continue playing with her pinwheel during nap which caused a major meltdown when she couldn't. I couldn't wait until after her nap to reward so instead we just decided to use the cookies for that too. I bought a few "rewards" at the $1 store and held them for bigger moments. Such as going all morning without an accident, all afternoon without an accident, etc.
10. Invest in a potty book.
We lucked out that the same friend that gave me so many of these tips also let us borrow the book she used for her kids when they were potty training. We keep it in the bathroom and read it any time she sits on her potty (for more than a minute). Basically, any time she didn't initiate that she needs to go or any time she says she needs to go and doesn't right away. It reinforces using the potty and is a super cute book. We only read it while in the bathroom trying to potty. It doesn't leave the room and isn't read before naps or bed or any other time. Mainly because we want it to be special while she is trying to potty.
11. Don't initially worry about night or nap training.
We use diapers. It just makes it easier. It is much more difficult to potty train while sleeping. Don't even worry about that initially. I can't even begin to tell you how we plan to night train. We will see when we get there.
12. Take out stock in carpet cleaner/swiffers/whatever you use to clean your floors.
Okay, maybe you don't need to take out actual stock... but you should stock up on it. Now is the time when I wish we had wood or tile floors throughout the house. Unfortunately, we don't. So I go through a lot of carpet cleaner (and swiffer pads on the tile if she happens to be there). I always make sure to deal with Kenzie FIRST though if she has an accident and clean up SECOND. It can sit for a few minutes.
13. Start training when you have time to do nothing else. Then remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.
Being that I am a stay at home mom, this one is likely easier for me than working parents. I still recommend trying it though. Start training on a day when you will have a series of days (at least two) to do nothing but train. So, start on a Saturday if you are off Saturday and Sunday. It is difficult to leave the house if you plan to work on potty training the same way or similarly to how we did it. We did leave the house for a bit each day but for only about 30 minutes and only once a day. Also, I'm not as sure about this... but if your child is in daycare, I would imagine it would be best to discuss with your daycare provider as to how they handle potty training. It is going to be best if you are on the same page. Don't expect this to be a quick process. Even when your child seems potty trained you can still expect accidents. Also, plan to continue to spend a lot of time encouraging your child to use the potty for a while. Even if he/she doesn't have actual accidents... they still get involved in playing and other fun things... and forget. Everyone that I have asked has also told me that it lasts a lot longer than you might think before they fully "get it". Eventually they figure it out, but I have to keep in mind that once she is having only 1 accident a day or so, that doesn't mean we are at the end of the tunnel. At least we are seeing the light at that point though. Just earlier this week, after having only one accident a day for about 3 day straight, we had 4 in one day. It was just an off day and because she isn't fully potty trained yet, it happens. We move on and hope the next day is better.
14. It's all or nothing.
Once you start, I recommend you do not go back. Everything I have researched and every story I have been told, has taught me that going back to diapers can be detrimental to your progress. It apparently makes potty training later even more difficult. Granted, I don't know how you would know if it is more difficult if you didn't see it through the first time. Maybe it would have always been difficult for your child. I just think it is best to start... and not look back. Though it is really tempting to do so at times.
15. You shouldn't talk about your "no hitter".
To use a baseball analogy... don't talk about it. When your family calls and asks how many accidents your child had that day, don't brag. "Oh! None today!!" As soon as you do this you can guarantee at least 3 more. Okay, maybe this isn't really the way it works. It sure does feel like it sometimes though.
Now, I don't know if any of this will help anyone out there that actually reads our blog, but just in case... You never know. Good luck! And wish me luck! We are only a bit over a week in so we still have a long way to go. Then in a couple of years... I get to do it again. With a BOY! Eep!!
First, what worked for our family, likely wouldn't work for everyone. Second, a lot of these tips/tricks are not my own. They are ones from family and friends as well as some online (cough*Google*cough) research. Third, I am no expert and would never claim to be.
I wanted to write up a post that detailed a few tips and tricks for a couple of reasons. First off, one day I will have to do this all again. With a boy. =( I have heard time and time again that boys are harder. Not looking forward to that. So, in a couple of years when I am sitting on the bathroom floor wondering what on earth I got myself into and how I am ever going to get through this, I wanted to be able to look back and remind myself that I can get through it and give myself a refresher course on what worked with Kenzie (though that doesn't mean it would work with Will) just to have an idea of where to go. Second, I have a lot of friends that have children around Kenzie's age or even younger that will be starting potty training soon. I had a few people ask me some questions about how we are working through the process. Everyone out there deals with this when they have kids but I have decided to be pretty open about it and document our progress along the way. This blog (rather, it's predecessor that is no longer in existence) has morphed over the years from being all about the two of us (Steven and myself) into family life, mommyhood, parenthood, and what it is like raising kids. So, when we hit such a big milestone as potty training, I figured it was logical to document our progress.
So, without further ado... here are some of the things we have learned:
1. Do NOT use pull ups. Use cheap underwear instead.
When we first considered starting the potty training process, we bought a small package of pull ups. I did this knowing that this was not the final answer. We mainly used them as a way to easily get a "diaper" type thing on an off of her at times when she showed some interest in the potty. What we learned (and what I had been told by my own mom) is that pull ups work very much like diapers. They pull all the moisture away from the child. So, the child doesn't feel wet. What incentive do you have to use a potty if you are constantly dry? Instead of pull ups, we went with the cheap underwear route. Kenzie went with me to the store and picked out a package she liked to get her excited. Now, if she absolutely ruins a pair, I don't feel back about tossing it. The other plus... she immediately feels wet and HATES it. This makes her want to use the potty.
2. Buy a potty or potty seat that fits for your family to use at home AND a cheap, one piece potty for travel.
We chose to go with a single potty that sits on the floor rather than one that attaches to the big toilet. We did this for a couple of reasons. First, we want to make it as easy for her to get on and off right now as possible. Second, we didn't want her to associate a potty seat attached to a toilet with all big toilets so that she wouldn't have as many issues if we were in a strange place and had no option but to use a big toilet. There are apparently travel potty seat attachments out there that fold up and can be carried in a bag so you always have one... but again... I didn't want a 5 year old that was afraid of using a toilet without the attachment. I'm sure not all children have this issue but I could foresee it being a problem for Kenzie. To go out, we bought a potty for $5 at Ikea based on a recommendation. It is perfect to cart around with us. Any time we go out, she tries to use the potty just before we go into a place and just after we come out. She doesn't always go, but at least she has that security right now. The plus too is that I have an SUV so she can sit in the back and use her potty. It could be done on the ground with a car too though. The other plus is that if we are outside playing, the potty is right there. Right now she doesn't really know long beforehand when she is going to need to go so having the option to immediately be next to an on a potty is a plus for us.
3. Decide if you want to move the potty around your house or leave it in one spot.
Some people choose to move the potty around the house to fit the needs of their families. For instance, put it in the living room if you spend the majority of your time there. That would make it much more accessible. We chose to go a different route though and keep it in Kenzie's bathroom. We did this because she is a kid that likes routine and leaving it in one spot makes it easier for her. Plus, once you change her routine, she likes to try to get you to do it again. I didn't want to deal with having to move the potty back to the bathroom one day and the possible backlash of that. Especially if she associated her potty with being near the tv or something like that. That is mainly just because that is Kenzie's personality. Other methods may be better with other kids.
4. Never EVER punish an accident.
We refer to them as accidents for a reason. I liken it to the exact opposite of what you might do when housebreaking a dog. When you housebreak a dog, you may choose to put their nose in their mess or use a firm voice when telling them what they did was "bad" or "wrong". Never do this with a child. They are learning and can't help themselves. When Kenzie has an accident we act quickly to try to get her to the potty just in case there is any more that she can do. She typically will try to hold her pee in once she starts going and realizes that she isn't on her potty so we take her in to the bathroom, have her sit on her potty for a while, and just wait to see if she will go more. If she does, we praise that. If she doesn't, we clean her up and move on. No harsh words or telling her she did anything wrong. We choose to remind her that when she needs to potty she needs to tell us and go to her potty. That is all. I could see how punishing an accident would cause an adverse effect and make her afraid of using her potty or (worse?) make her think she has to hold it all the time.
5. Decide whether you are of the "time it out" or "wait them out" school of thought and never assume that "No" is actually what your child means.
I was given two recommendations for how to potty train based on what friends and family members had work for them in the past. The first is to "time it out". Put your child on the potty every 15-20 minutes regardless of if they have to go. The second is to "wait them out" and let them have some accidents, get used to the negative sensation of being wet and let them start telling you they need to use the potty. The first day we timed Kenzie. After her first few accidents though she quickly realized that she could tell us when she had to go potty. She wasn't always on time but she had the idea. So, day 2 we changed a bit. I let her guide it more than my timer. If I found that she hadn't asked (or had an accident) in about 30 minutes, I would encourage her to go to the potty. We then ended up changing that method again after a day or so. She stopped telling us as often and so we had to move back to more timing. Now, at just over a week in we are back to her telling us about 90% of the time. Sometimes she is too late so if we notice that she hasn't gone in a while we will encourage her to try. I've learned that this needs to be an especially fluid process. What works one day, may not work the next. I find myself constantly asking Kenzie, "Do you need to potty?" Bad idea when you have a toddler. No is a universal answer for everything. Most of the time, she says no. Truth is though, sometimes it is a yes. While I still ask, even if she says no there are times that I tell her we are going to try anyway if it has been a while. I continue to ask her to get her used to the question. If she tells me no and I think she might need to try anyway, I explain that it has been a while and she should try, then I take her to her potty and we wait.
6. LISTEN!
I made this mistake on day 1. If you child even mentions the word "potty" or whatever other wording you use to talk about needing to go... listen and react. Don't assume they are just discussing how cool it is using the potty. They likely aren't. They may just not have enough words yet to explain clearly that they need to go.
7. Have a routine.
When we sit on the potty and she actually goes we always do the same thing afterwards. Wipe, pull up her underwear (or put on because she tends to remove them entirely), high tens (she loves those), wash hands (both of us because I gave her high tens), get reward (if asked for... more about that in #9).
8. Try to limit the amount of time you make your child sit on the potty without going.
We found that asking Kenzie (who is an extremely active child) to sit for longer than 5 or so minutes was asking too much. Sitting for any longer makes her hate sitting on the potty and we don't want that.
9. Decide on your reward system (if you want to use one).
Kenzie is too young to really understand sticker charts but if she were older, we likely would have started here. Instead we use a treat that she never (or very very rarely) gets. We use bite size oreo cookies. Maybe not my best mommy move, but it works. Every time she goes potty, she gets one. IF she asks. Sometimes she forgets and I let her move on. We have started weaning her off of them now. Usually, if you give her a preferred activity right after washing her hands, she will forget and we don't have to worry about it as much. We initially planned to offer a slightly larger reward any time she pooped in the potty for the first week or so. I nixed that after the first reward. The issues was that because she pooped right before nap, she wanted to continue playing with her pinwheel during nap which caused a major meltdown when she couldn't. I couldn't wait until after her nap to reward so instead we just decided to use the cookies for that too. I bought a few "rewards" at the $1 store and held them for bigger moments. Such as going all morning without an accident, all afternoon without an accident, etc.
10. Invest in a potty book.
We lucked out that the same friend that gave me so many of these tips also let us borrow the book she used for her kids when they were potty training. We keep it in the bathroom and read it any time she sits on her potty (for more than a minute). Basically, any time she didn't initiate that she needs to go or any time she says she needs to go and doesn't right away. It reinforces using the potty and is a super cute book. We only read it while in the bathroom trying to potty. It doesn't leave the room and isn't read before naps or bed or any other time. Mainly because we want it to be special while she is trying to potty.
11. Don't initially worry about night or nap training.
We use diapers. It just makes it easier. It is much more difficult to potty train while sleeping. Don't even worry about that initially. I can't even begin to tell you how we plan to night train. We will see when we get there.
12. Take out stock in carpet cleaner/swiffers/whatever you use to clean your floors.
Okay, maybe you don't need to take out actual stock... but you should stock up on it. Now is the time when I wish we had wood or tile floors throughout the house. Unfortunately, we don't. So I go through a lot of carpet cleaner (and swiffer pads on the tile if she happens to be there). I always make sure to deal with Kenzie FIRST though if she has an accident and clean up SECOND. It can sit for a few minutes.
13. Start training when you have time to do nothing else. Then remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.
Being that I am a stay at home mom, this one is likely easier for me than working parents. I still recommend trying it though. Start training on a day when you will have a series of days (at least two) to do nothing but train. So, start on a Saturday if you are off Saturday and Sunday. It is difficult to leave the house if you plan to work on potty training the same way or similarly to how we did it. We did leave the house for a bit each day but for only about 30 minutes and only once a day. Also, I'm not as sure about this... but if your child is in daycare, I would imagine it would be best to discuss with your daycare provider as to how they handle potty training. It is going to be best if you are on the same page. Don't expect this to be a quick process. Even when your child seems potty trained you can still expect accidents. Also, plan to continue to spend a lot of time encouraging your child to use the potty for a while. Even if he/she doesn't have actual accidents... they still get involved in playing and other fun things... and forget. Everyone that I have asked has also told me that it lasts a lot longer than you might think before they fully "get it". Eventually they figure it out, but I have to keep in mind that once she is having only 1 accident a day or so, that doesn't mean we are at the end of the tunnel. At least we are seeing the light at that point though. Just earlier this week, after having only one accident a day for about 3 day straight, we had 4 in one day. It was just an off day and because she isn't fully potty trained yet, it happens. We move on and hope the next day is better.
14. It's all or nothing.
Once you start, I recommend you do not go back. Everything I have researched and every story I have been told, has taught me that going back to diapers can be detrimental to your progress. It apparently makes potty training later even more difficult. Granted, I don't know how you would know if it is more difficult if you didn't see it through the first time. Maybe it would have always been difficult for your child. I just think it is best to start... and not look back. Though it is really tempting to do so at times.
15. You shouldn't talk about your "no hitter".
To use a baseball analogy... don't talk about it. When your family calls and asks how many accidents your child had that day, don't brag. "Oh! None today!!" As soon as you do this you can guarantee at least 3 more. Okay, maybe this isn't really the way it works. It sure does feel like it sometimes though.
Now, I don't know if any of this will help anyone out there that actually reads our blog, but just in case... You never know. Good luck! And wish me luck! We are only a bit over a week in so we still have a long way to go. Then in a couple of years... I get to do it again. With a BOY! Eep!!
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