I know I will officially be 39 weeks tomorrow (and yes, I will have my usual weekly "journal" update) but I figured writing some of this out will help me process some and allow me to give an update to my family and friends that keep up with us some through our blog because of the distance (actual land miles distance... not like "we don't talk to each other" distance.)
Today was a rough day for me. Let me preface all of this by saying that Will is doing great. =) He is moving appropriately. There is nothing wrong with him in the least, that we are aware of at this point and we will be meeting him very soon. We are super excited about that. However, at my doctor's appointment today, I was hit with some news that doesn't make me happy. Yet... it is what it is and we will make it work. Anyone that I have spoken to about this pregnancy, or anyone that reads and keeps up with us through our blog, knows that my dream for this pregnancy has been to end in a VBAC. I know the risk. I know the chances. I know that I have an amazing doctor that has been supportive of my decision from day 1 and we have done whatever we could to get to that point. That may not be where we end up though and dealing with the thought of that has been really tough for me.
Let me give you the details of today's appointment and what went down. First, I thought everything was going to be just as normal as could be when we went in this morning. I sat down, had my blood pressure taken, and lo and behold... it was around 143/93. That is NOT what we all wanted to see. Now, my blood pressure has been "borderline" throughout this entire pregnancy but has remained fairly stable with the exception of two times that it read high and less than 10 minutes later was taken a second time reading right where we would expect it to. As usual, we waited a few minutes and took it again. 123/93. While the top number dropped... it's that bottom number that gets more attention. The nurse started asking me questions about how I was feeling and it took until she became really specific to realize that yes... I have experienced a couple of the symptoms of high BP over the past few days. On Saturday I remember complaining of a bit of chest , pain to Steven and I had one instance of seeing spots in my vision. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was there. I have no swelling at this point, but the nurse figured by the end of the day I likely deal with it. Which is true. I have always put it off on a normal pregnancy symptom (which is can be), but for me it might be more than that. Based on this, she told me the doctor MAY want to run a few labs, but she didn't think so. We would just have to wait and see what he thought.
Well, then we met with the doctor. Will's heartbeat was nice a strong. I measured right on track and he figures, just based on my measurements and how Will feels in there, that Will is likely to be a high 7 pounder or low 8 pounder at full term. He doesn't think we are looking at a 10 pound baby or a 6 pound baby. Whew! I was iffy about either one of those. Then he checked my cervix. Here's where it started to go downhill for me. I figured with all these contractions and my history of being at 2 cm at 37 weeks with Kenzie (without feeling any contractions mind you), that I would be at least 2. Steven and I even made an over/under bet at 2 1/2. I took under assuming that with my luck, that would be it. Steven took over without missing a beat. Unfortunately, I won. I am "barely a fingertip" dilated. Yep... not even a full "1". While this isn't necessarily a big deal for most women, for me, it starts to limit my options. See, if I don't go in to labor naturally and I don't dilate any farther then my dreams of a VBAC are gone. I have to be at least a 3-4 before they can consider an induction for me because my risk of uterine rupture is higher than an average woman. Now, this doesn't mean that I couldn't go in to labor tonight, progress quickly, and deliver naturally. I know that. The doctor stressed that. I have always had this feeling though that Will would go overdue and we would be looking at induction or a repeat c-section (RCS). Mother's intuition maybe? Being that I am not dilating (though yes, I could potentially do so in the next week), my chances at an induction are low. My chances at that induction ending in a natural birth are even lower even if I get to 3-4 cm. My blood pressure might hinder all of that.
All of that being said, then we had to deal with the high blood pressure. There is no protein in my urine meaning that I likely do not have pre-eclampsia but just that irritating gestational hypertension. I've dealt with it before. It's name is Kenzie. However, based on my history he decided he wanted to run more tests. Blood work and an NST. Being that we are working against time here though, he wanted the results today which meant my first ever trip to triage at Winnie Palmer. I never went with Kenzie because I never went in to labor. I guess at least I was able to experience that? Haha. So, we packed up in to my car (Steven was at my appointment and I am so grateful because I couldn't have handled Kenzie without him and I needed the support) and headed over. It is less than 5 minutes from the office. First they took my blood pressure. 140/90. Then they set me up in a room, hooked up the monitors for the NST and took blood. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Every 10 minutes the blood pressure cuff activated and took my pressure. It ranged but on average ran around 120/85. About where I have been this entire pregnancy. After about 2 hours we found out that all my labs were normal and after a consult with my doctor, I was released. Honestly, we didn't expect to see anything major, but we wanted to err on the side of caution given my history.
Now, I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday morning. I'm hoping my BP stays low enough to not increase my chances of having to go to a c section immediately. That's what would have happened had my BP not lowered or the labs come back poor. We would be meeting Will today instead of in about a week and a half (or less... who really knows?) I'm glad everything came back normal. My ultimate goal is to deliver this little guy healthy and unharmed. He is my number one priority in all of this. That being said, I am mourning the loss of my VBAC. Granted, yes, I could still get it. I have to start prepping myself though for the possibility of it not occurring. I haven't actually done that yet because I was so sure until today. After having Kenzie I spent a lot of time mourning the loss of my ideal birth. I know birth doesn't work out the way you usually want it to, but Kenzie's birth was so anti what I thought would happen that it was difficult for me and I had NO time to deal with it before it happened because everything happened so very quickly. This time I have time to prep myself. Then I am prepared for the possibility of the RCS but if my VBAC miraculously comes to fruition then it is icing on the cake.
So, that's my story. I just had to get it out. I can't truly explain what it feels like to have this ideal shot down so quickly. I guess unless you experience it, you don't know. It may seem minor to a lot of people, but to me, it was important. Like I said, my main goal is Will's safe arrival. There are risks in a c-section too though and people seem to forget that. Well, all that being said... it is what it is. I should have learned by now that labor/delivery is not something you can plan or predict. We will see what happens. I will keep everyone updated. Please keep all of us (even Steven and Kenzie since they have to deal with me) in your thoughts and prayers as we work through this next week and a half. I can't believe he will be here so soon. I can't wait to share him with all of you. Kenzie is so excited for her brother (though we are not sure if she knows he is a human baby or thinks we are just getting another dog that I happen to be housing in my belly for now.) We are all so excited to meet him. Soon.
Today was a rough day for me. Let me preface all of this by saying that Will is doing great. =) He is moving appropriately. There is nothing wrong with him in the least, that we are aware of at this point and we will be meeting him very soon. We are super excited about that. However, at my doctor's appointment today, I was hit with some news that doesn't make me happy. Yet... it is what it is and we will make it work. Anyone that I have spoken to about this pregnancy, or anyone that reads and keeps up with us through our blog, knows that my dream for this pregnancy has been to end in a VBAC. I know the risk. I know the chances. I know that I have an amazing doctor that has been supportive of my decision from day 1 and we have done whatever we could to get to that point. That may not be where we end up though and dealing with the thought of that has been really tough for me.
Let me give you the details of today's appointment and what went down. First, I thought everything was going to be just as normal as could be when we went in this morning. I sat down, had my blood pressure taken, and lo and behold... it was around 143/93. That is NOT what we all wanted to see. Now, my blood pressure has been "borderline" throughout this entire pregnancy but has remained fairly stable with the exception of two times that it read high and less than 10 minutes later was taken a second time reading right where we would expect it to. As usual, we waited a few minutes and took it again. 123/93. While the top number dropped... it's that bottom number that gets more attention. The nurse started asking me questions about how I was feeling and it took until she became really specific to realize that yes... I have experienced a couple of the symptoms of high BP over the past few days. On Saturday I remember complaining of a bit of chest , pain to Steven and I had one instance of seeing spots in my vision. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was there. I have no swelling at this point, but the nurse figured by the end of the day I likely deal with it. Which is true. I have always put it off on a normal pregnancy symptom (which is can be), but for me it might be more than that. Based on this, she told me the doctor MAY want to run a few labs, but she didn't think so. We would just have to wait and see what he thought.
Well, then we met with the doctor. Will's heartbeat was nice a strong. I measured right on track and he figures, just based on my measurements and how Will feels in there, that Will is likely to be a high 7 pounder or low 8 pounder at full term. He doesn't think we are looking at a 10 pound baby or a 6 pound baby. Whew! I was iffy about either one of those. Then he checked my cervix. Here's where it started to go downhill for me. I figured with all these contractions and my history of being at 2 cm at 37 weeks with Kenzie (without feeling any contractions mind you), that I would be at least 2. Steven and I even made an over/under bet at 2 1/2. I took under assuming that with my luck, that would be it. Steven took over without missing a beat. Unfortunately, I won. I am "barely a fingertip" dilated. Yep... not even a full "1". While this isn't necessarily a big deal for most women, for me, it starts to limit my options. See, if I don't go in to labor naturally and I don't dilate any farther then my dreams of a VBAC are gone. I have to be at least a 3-4 before they can consider an induction for me because my risk of uterine rupture is higher than an average woman. Now, this doesn't mean that I couldn't go in to labor tonight, progress quickly, and deliver naturally. I know that. The doctor stressed that. I have always had this feeling though that Will would go overdue and we would be looking at induction or a repeat c-section (RCS). Mother's intuition maybe? Being that I am not dilating (though yes, I could potentially do so in the next week), my chances at an induction are low. My chances at that induction ending in a natural birth are even lower even if I get to 3-4 cm. My blood pressure might hinder all of that.
All of that being said, then we had to deal with the high blood pressure. There is no protein in my urine meaning that I likely do not have pre-eclampsia but just that irritating gestational hypertension. I've dealt with it before. It's name is Kenzie. However, based on my history he decided he wanted to run more tests. Blood work and an NST. Being that we are working against time here though, he wanted the results today which meant my first ever trip to triage at Winnie Palmer. I never went with Kenzie because I never went in to labor. I guess at least I was able to experience that? Haha. So, we packed up in to my car (Steven was at my appointment and I am so grateful because I couldn't have handled Kenzie without him and I needed the support) and headed over. It is less than 5 minutes from the office. First they took my blood pressure. 140/90. Then they set me up in a room, hooked up the monitors for the NST and took blood. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Every 10 minutes the blood pressure cuff activated and took my pressure. It ranged but on average ran around 120/85. About where I have been this entire pregnancy. After about 2 hours we found out that all my labs were normal and after a consult with my doctor, I was released. Honestly, we didn't expect to see anything major, but we wanted to err on the side of caution given my history.
Now, I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday morning. I'm hoping my BP stays low enough to not increase my chances of having to go to a c section immediately. That's what would have happened had my BP not lowered or the labs come back poor. We would be meeting Will today instead of in about a week and a half (or less... who really knows?) I'm glad everything came back normal. My ultimate goal is to deliver this little guy healthy and unharmed. He is my number one priority in all of this. That being said, I am mourning the loss of my VBAC. Granted, yes, I could still get it. I have to start prepping myself though for the possibility of it not occurring. I haven't actually done that yet because I was so sure until today. After having Kenzie I spent a lot of time mourning the loss of my ideal birth. I know birth doesn't work out the way you usually want it to, but Kenzie's birth was so anti what I thought would happen that it was difficult for me and I had NO time to deal with it before it happened because everything happened so very quickly. This time I have time to prep myself. Then I am prepared for the possibility of the RCS but if my VBAC miraculously comes to fruition then it is icing on the cake.
So, that's my story. I just had to get it out. I can't truly explain what it feels like to have this ideal shot down so quickly. I guess unless you experience it, you don't know. It may seem minor to a lot of people, but to me, it was important. Like I said, my main goal is Will's safe arrival. There are risks in a c-section too though and people seem to forget that. Well, all that being said... it is what it is. I should have learned by now that labor/delivery is not something you can plan or predict. We will see what happens. I will keep everyone updated. Please keep all of us (even Steven and Kenzie since they have to deal with me) in your thoughts and prayers as we work through this next week and a half. I can't believe he will be here so soon. I can't wait to share him with all of you. Kenzie is so excited for her brother (though we are not sure if she knows he is a human baby or thinks we are just getting another dog that I happen to be housing in my belly for now.) We are all so excited to meet him. Soon.
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