In honor of being just over 2 weeks (stop it!) from Will's 1st birthday, I have been reading his birth story as well as a post I wrote just one day before my water broke and little William Bryant arrived. I realized that this time was so much different than with Kenzie. Allow me to explain...
I knew going into Kenzie's birth, that I wanted to TRY an NUCB. (natural unmedicated childbirth for anyone out there that has never frequented a birth board or forum) but my hopes were dashed almost immediately when we learned that despite being favorable for an induction (my BP shot way up and so it was determined that delivering her was safer than waiting it out), she was frank breech. Yes, turning her was an option... but it isn't always effective or safe. Due to my lack of a medical degree, we elected to rely on my doctor's instincts and do a c-section. I spent a long time mourning my loss at a possible unmedicated birth. Should we have tried the version (turning her)? Should we have waited it out just in case? I know now that I made the right decision, but it is hard to explain why it was such a big deal to me. Unless put in the position, it is hard to understand. I know that. I still think Steven thinks I am a bit crazy for even thinking about it. Kenzie was here, she was safe, she was healthy, I was healthy and we were a happy family of 3. I wasn't entirely happy myself though. It took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened with Kenzie, but I finally did. And then...
I became pregnant with Will. I knew from the get-go that I wanted to use my same OB with Will and I felt super lucky that he was pro-VBAC in the right situation. Guess what? I was the perfect candidate! Yippee!! I was a great candidate because I wasn't a person that labored for a long period of time and then needed an emergency section, or needed one because I failed to progress. I wasn't a person that needed the c-section because of a medical issue that was a huge problem. Pefect! We were set. We worked through the pregnancy with the intention of having a VBAC. We scheduled a c-section for almost a week after my due date just in case I went into labor later and we discussed the possibility of an induction should I be favorable. Best of all... Will remained head down.
Then, the day came. My water broke at exactly 39 weeks. Unfortunately, I was barely dilated and not at all effaced. Plans foiled by one stubborn little man in conjuction with my body that I thought must hate me. I labored all day and hoped that something would happen to allow me that VBAC. The time came though and my progress did not. We elected to go forward with the c-section. Best. Decision. Ever. See, while I still sometimes think about Kenzie's birth and have sad feelings about it, I do NOT have the same with Will. It isn't that one child is better than the other, let me make that clear. I do not regret anything with Kenzie... but sometimes I am sad at the way my body handled everything. Will on the other hand had to be born via c-section. He likely would have never dropped correctly as he was shoved into my hip AND had his cord wrapped around his neck FOUR times. Four. Will is a miracle baby. I cannot think what would have happened had we attempted to labor and eventually tried to deliver. Now, I've also come to realize that Kenzie set me up for all of this. Maybe this was the Lord's way of prepping us to be able to have two very healthy children. Without Kenzie requiring me to have a c-section the first time, things might have been different. I might have labored and we might have tried to deliver. So, now when I think about any sadness associated with Kenzie's birth, I also realize that without that situation, things could have looked a lot different for us. Her birth may not have been MY plan... but it was part of the master plan.
I have heard many people say that c-sections aren't really birth. For goodness sake, we call a vaginal birth "natural" but that isn't really fair. My children were "born" just like any other child out there. I deserve the same respect as a woman that gave birth "naturally" whether with or without an epidural or pain meds. We are all in this together.
I am saying all of this to basically say this... for anyone out there that might be reading this and has the same sad feelings associated with their birth(s).... don't get down on yourself. I believe everything happens for a reason. Just because you don't know your reason yet doesn't mean that there isn't one. It took me an additional 2+ years to figure out what mine was. Thanks Kenzie, for being so darn stubborn. Thank you modern medicine for being so amazing. Thank you to those people that supported me in the times that I was worried or sad about what happened/was happening.
In less than 3 weeks we will celebrate ONE with one amazing little miracle and his (still stubborn) big sister will be by our sides (probably trying to steal his cake and open all of his presents for him). I can't believe we have come this far.
I knew going into Kenzie's birth, that I wanted to TRY an NUCB. (natural unmedicated childbirth for anyone out there that has never frequented a birth board or forum) but my hopes were dashed almost immediately when we learned that despite being favorable for an induction (my BP shot way up and so it was determined that delivering her was safer than waiting it out), she was frank breech. Yes, turning her was an option... but it isn't always effective or safe. Due to my lack of a medical degree, we elected to rely on my doctor's instincts and do a c-section. I spent a long time mourning my loss at a possible unmedicated birth. Should we have tried the version (turning her)? Should we have waited it out just in case? I know now that I made the right decision, but it is hard to explain why it was such a big deal to me. Unless put in the position, it is hard to understand. I know that. I still think Steven thinks I am a bit crazy for even thinking about it. Kenzie was here, she was safe, she was healthy, I was healthy and we were a happy family of 3. I wasn't entirely happy myself though. It took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened with Kenzie, but I finally did. And then...
I became pregnant with Will. I knew from the get-go that I wanted to use my same OB with Will and I felt super lucky that he was pro-VBAC in the right situation. Guess what? I was the perfect candidate! Yippee!! I was a great candidate because I wasn't a person that labored for a long period of time and then needed an emergency section, or needed one because I failed to progress. I wasn't a person that needed the c-section because of a medical issue that was a huge problem. Pefect! We were set. We worked through the pregnancy with the intention of having a VBAC. We scheduled a c-section for almost a week after my due date just in case I went into labor later and we discussed the possibility of an induction should I be favorable. Best of all... Will remained head down.
Then, the day came. My water broke at exactly 39 weeks. Unfortunately, I was barely dilated and not at all effaced. Plans foiled by one stubborn little man in conjuction with my body that I thought must hate me. I labored all day and hoped that something would happen to allow me that VBAC. The time came though and my progress did not. We elected to go forward with the c-section. Best. Decision. Ever. See, while I still sometimes think about Kenzie's birth and have sad feelings about it, I do NOT have the same with Will. It isn't that one child is better than the other, let me make that clear. I do not regret anything with Kenzie... but sometimes I am sad at the way my body handled everything. Will on the other hand had to be born via c-section. He likely would have never dropped correctly as he was shoved into my hip AND had his cord wrapped around his neck FOUR times. Four. Will is a miracle baby. I cannot think what would have happened had we attempted to labor and eventually tried to deliver. Now, I've also come to realize that Kenzie set me up for all of this. Maybe this was the Lord's way of prepping us to be able to have two very healthy children. Without Kenzie requiring me to have a c-section the first time, things might have been different. I might have labored and we might have tried to deliver. So, now when I think about any sadness associated with Kenzie's birth, I also realize that without that situation, things could have looked a lot different for us. Her birth may not have been MY plan... but it was part of the master plan.
I have heard many people say that c-sections aren't really birth. For goodness sake, we call a vaginal birth "natural" but that isn't really fair. My children were "born" just like any other child out there. I deserve the same respect as a woman that gave birth "naturally" whether with or without an epidural or pain meds. We are all in this together.
I am saying all of this to basically say this... for anyone out there that might be reading this and has the same sad feelings associated with their birth(s).... don't get down on yourself. I believe everything happens for a reason. Just because you don't know your reason yet doesn't mean that there isn't one. It took me an additional 2+ years to figure out what mine was. Thanks Kenzie, for being so darn stubborn. Thank you modern medicine for being so amazing. Thank you to those people that supported me in the times that I was worried or sad about what happened/was happening.
In less than 3 weeks we will celebrate ONE with one amazing little miracle and his (still stubborn) big sister will be by our sides (probably trying to steal his cake and open all of his presents for him). I can't believe we have come this far.
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