So here's the deal... some evenings I put the kids to bed and feel like I should be nominated to win some sort of awesome mom award. Some evenings I run out of their rooms so fast it is like the rooms are on fire. I just need that moment alone so that I can take a breath and have a minute to myself (before I get called back into one room or another for another sip of water, help with covers, another bedtime song, to be told they can't sleep despite counting 100 sheep, or whatever other issue there is at the moment). Some days I feel like I can accomplish anything as a mom. Some days I do everything I can to make it through: dinner in front of the TV, going outside and praying that our neighbors come out as well so their kids can keep mine busy and give me a minute of peace, skipping bath time and promising that we will take 10 extra minutes in the morning to get one (then forgetting come the next day), fixing arguments by using the old standby "just ignore her/him" and sending them off to different corners of the house without more resolution... you get the idea. It's all about balance really.
As a mom, I always feel like I should be the one teaching my kids what they need to know about the world. How to handle hard times or stressful situations, how to interact appropriately with others, how to love others, and every other thing they will need to learn in their short time spent under our roof. But sometimes... I have to take a minute and take a lesson from them. Sometimes children are our greatest teachers. I'm always amazed when those little learning moments happen when they teach me something when I'm not expecting it. Today was one of those days.
We had a pretty good morning around here. The kids got up easily. Both were super excited to wear their color changing shirts they just got from Nana and Papa. That helped with their good moods this morning. They both ate breakfast with no issues and even had time to watch part of a TV show before getting ready to head out. We dropped Kenzie off with no problems and were on our way to drop Will off quickly. We said good morning to the crossing guard that the kids love and pulled into his school 10 minutes early. As we got out of the car, Will announced, "Mommy, I have to go potty." I knew we had about 10 minutes to wait to go into his school and told him to just hold it and I would take him before I dropped him off in his room. He protested slightly and I told him to "just wait". He tried. He really tried. And then it happened... I won't go into specifics but it wasn't your run of the mill accident. He looked at me with these big, concerned eyes and told me he was "sorry". He looked like he wanted to cry and I thought I could easily follow suit. It was bad enough that I told him to stand still and he froze in place while I gathered supplies with the help of the preschool director to clean it all up. I cleaned up some and she told me she would handle the rest while I cleaned up Will. She grabbed his change of clothes from his cubby and some wipes to help me out and I got Will all cleaned up and changed into a new outfit. Well, his shirt was okay so I left him in it but everything else required a change. This took about 10 minutes and he was very quiet the entire time. All the while I was apologizing to him for not listening to him when he told me the first time that he had to go.
Once I got him cleaned up, I was about to drop him off in his room and realized I forgot his lunch box outside in all the craziness. I got my hug and kiss, told him I would go get it and put it in his cubby, and sent him into his room. He went right in (mismatched clothes, slightly tight shoes because I haven't changed them out for newer ones all year, and big smile) like nothing was bothering him. I ran outside and brought his lunch box back. As I put it in his cubby, I glanced into his room and he was walking by the door. He looked at me, smiled, and gave me his signature thumbs up that he has been using lately to tell us he is doing okay. And with that... I left him to his day. I called my mom as I left him at school to tell her about what happened because I had to talk through it. I was so upset for him and so upset with myself. But he was fine. That was the craziest part. In just one singular moment, he gave me the sign that everything was fine and he still loved me despite me not listening to him and having a mom fail moment. When I picked him up, he never mentioned this morning. Just told me he missed me today and gave me a kiss and hug.
I thought about that single moment with his thumbs up all day and I spent a lot of time thinking about our relationship with our Father. Sometimes He whispers in our ears that He needs us to do something. Sometimes it is more of a yell. And yet, we do what I did to Will this morning. We tell Him to wait. Just hold on a moment. I have other things I'm doing right now. Then, something happens because we didn't listen and we have a big mess to clean up. We apologize for not listening the first time. We promise it won't happen again though we know it probably will. Despite all that... despite feeling like such a disappointment to Him, He gives us a thumbs up. He tells us in a moment that He still love us. His love is unfailing.
Will had no idea I needed that lesson this morning. But in just a split second, he reminded me of something I sometimes forget. God loves us. He doesn't give up on us.
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